Fricknits

Yarnival!

Welcome to Volume I, Issue IV of Yarnival! 

This issue is best perused with your choice of (a) hot cocoa (schnapps-spiked), (b) egg nog (rum-spiked) or (c) champagne (diamond ring-spiked), as befits the season and current state of your relationship.  This elf is all pooped out from sorting through your many submissions.  This was no Land of Misfit Toys, but rather a heaping mound of just-what-I-always-wanted-ness.  If you’re feeling left out in the cold, please don’t!  I’ll refer you again to your beverage choices and encourage you to submit to Carole, editor of the upcoming issue.  And now, laying a finger aside my nose, I present to you, Yarnival!

All Wrapped Up: Features

• Kirsty brings us The Book of Knit.What is your knitting inheritance?  Some of us have vintage needle collections.  Others can trace their knitty instincts back through the crafty family tree.  Kirsty’s a lucky one.  Her grandmother took the time to write it all down.

• TheAmpuT knows what the season’s all about.  …and that’s recycling orphaned blankies from the thrift shop.  Read to the end for a perfect holiday note.  Cue Tiny Tim, please.

• Over the river and through the woods with Cookie!  Forget grandmother’s house.  Bye-bye, Crate and Barrel.  So long, Cletus’s Christmas Tree Farm!  Let Cookie lead you on a couple of magical excursions instead.  First stop, the Textile Museum, and then it’s off to The Moon, Alice!

• Megan feels it’s time we all admitted it.  Online quizzes are the scented candle/bedroom slippers/bottle of wine/ Barnes and Noble gift certificate of the blog world.  They’re what you do when it’s the 11^th hour and you’re all out of ideas.  But in the right hands, such quizzes can be very clever indeed.  Allow them to introduce the Knitting Philistine.  Feel free to steal one.  What else you gonna give Uncle Lou?

Deck the Halls

• ...with socks of lace.  Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.  Nora’s free pattern is a frothy, whipped-cream-on-your-hot-cocoa dream for your feet.

• ...with less infuriating pom-poms.  Instructions can be found here.  Thanks, Kate!

• ...with novelty yarn.  Yes.  Let Robin show you how, and then thrill to Caro’s tale of how, lured perhaps by the glint of pub lighting on eyelash, a boozy reveler mistook her for a meth addict.  Wassail!

• …or un-deck them.  Laura shows us how to perform a bobble-ectomy.  Because sometimes—yes, even at this time of year—less is more.

Ho, Ho, FO!

• Pam wants to know, Do You Believe?  Santa, the Easter Bunny, Sasquatch, cotton intarsia that doesn’t suck ….  Join Pam as she pursues yet another elusive creature of myth.
• Meet Heather’s whacky uncle.  Every family has one.  Maybe yours is currently taking up some space on your couch, leaving walnut shells between the cushions, making off-color jokes about Yule logs or trying to catch sexy Aunt Susan under the mistletoe.  At least this guy’s also practical. 
• The shawls are just flying off the needles these days in blogland.  Here are three beauties.  First, I’m not sure what Leda’s Dream might have been, but it probably didn’t involve that damn swan.  Jenny’s perfect purple shawl is a sweet dream indeed.  I know I’ve got visions of sugarplums just looking at it.  Kiri(e) eleison, Kirsten.  And another in the overtly sexy shawls-on-chairs category.  Beautiful work, Laura!
• She shees you when you’re sheleeping.  She sheknows when you’re awake…  Turtlegirl76 gives us the whole she-bang.  She-does.  She-riously.
• Thrum, they told her.  A thrum-pum-pum-pum.  Fit for a king, Brooke! 
• “It was severe work, but of the sort that was exhilarating.”  Jack London could have been speaking of Aija’s Lizard Ridge.  (Or maybe of the arduous slog that is the yearly Christmas letter.)  Who needs To Build a Fire when you've got something this cozy around?  At least he got to hold it.
• What child is this?  He didn’t just knit it himself, he spun it, too.  Oh, and he’s still in grade school.  Let’s hear it for Hannah's boy!
• There’s something about brocade.  It’s the fabric of crackling fires, expensive stockings hung by the chimney with care, of steaming cups of Earl Grey, of wolfhounds loping ‘cross the moors ahead of lanky men holding slim rifles in the crooks of their arms, and Jenna.  Not Rowan material, my ass.

Stocking Stuffers

• Tim Burton’s not the only one.  Angela manages to combine horror with the holidays.  Oh, and she does just plain horror pretty well, too.
• Tinkertoys!  Drills! Cheapskates!  Ladies with curlers in their hair!  No, we’re not talking about Christmas morning.  We’re talking Bezzie.
• And speaking of stockings, check out Sarah's (mind you don't cut yourself), Mai's (love the Seuss-ified blog name), and Emma's (away in a manger).

Santa, Baby

The Kates have it this month.  What’s their secret?  Mistletoe?  Cookies?  Some tiny whistle only fiber-loving men can hear?  Whatever it is, let’s all remind them that the spirit of the season is sharing.

• You might get an iPod.  You might get some cashmere gloves.  Dig deep in that stocking and you very well may come up with a nice, round Florida orange.  But kiddo, I gotta break it to you.  Not everyone gets a Richard.
• He doesn’t love her in spite of the knitting addiction.  Far from it.  This wooly love story begins in a Soviet bread line, meanders through years of love and stash enhancement, and ends with a marvelous FO.  Zhivago-esque in its sweeping scope, this story is worth the read for the vintage photos alone.  Do I hear Laura's Theme?

From the Editor

There it is!  I hope you enjoyed this month's Yarnival!  Or at least that you were in enough of a boozy haze by the end that you will remember that you enjoyed it, which is basically the same thing.  If you're new to Yarnival!, please check out Issue I, Issue II, and Issue III, which are chock-full of Yarnivaly! goodness.  If you'd like to edit a future edition of Yarnival!, please let Eve know.  And remember to leave comments to let these bloggers know you stopped by, else it's coal in the knee socks for all of you.

Those Soft and Fuzzy Sweaters...

... too magical to touch.  To see him in that handnknit thing is really just too much!

Submit to Yarnival!

Deadline is Saturday, folks.  Only two days to show me what you've got. 

I still don't have a hunk, by the way.  You know every Yarnival! has its Page Three Boy, right?  And while he's a total dreamboat in diapers, I'd rather not use the Biscuit.

Ijust need a centerfold.  Is that too much to ask?

Simple Gifts

It's funny being a happy heathen at a Christian school.  Do I point out to the kids the similarity between Iphigenia's sacrifice at the hands of Agamemnon and Abraham's near-slaying of his son Issac?  What do I do when a child points out that the "myth" of Pandora smacks of Eve in the Garden?  Can I use the word "myth" and "Christianity" in the same sentence without having my ass handed to me on a pink slip?  (Yes, we are studying the Greeks, and yes, that was an Artemis you spied.)  And then there are the chapels.  I think it's a lovely way to start the day- in quiet contemplation, in a beautiful space, with music, in community.  But then my bumbling self can't quite figure out the right level of lip movement- none?  mild synching? - that I should attempt during prayers.  I want peace, I want healing, I wish for gentler times.  But I do not ask this in the name of Jesus.  I ask it in my own, and I ask it of myself.

The hymn I can really get into- no lip-synching- is "Simple Gifts."  It is, after all, a dance song.  And I like to boogie.  I also wish to be simpler, freer, in the "place just right."  (She said as she contemplated that skein of Tilli Thomas sequin stuff- how Shaker of me.)  Despite our enormous loss, I feel I've been blessed so many times by all of you in the past two weeks.  I've read and reread your comments.  I received this beautiful box from Ashley- oh, how perfect the spicy chocolate is!  Cathi even offered that precious coin of knitterly love- afghan squares.  Which got me to thinking...

I need to make something for Timmy.  An afghan might be just the thing...in a few months.  But for now, while my life is awash in scraps of paper covered in phone numbers, all these voices asking what can I do, what can I bake, when can I show up, why did this happen...now is the time for something simple.  Now is the time for a hat.

So I have two requests. 

One: Any suggestions for hat yarn?  I need something durable and soft that comes in good colors- don't we all?  I plan to do something basic with a stripe, maybe, and a hem.  Any and all suggestions are welcome.  Please. 

Two:  Yarnival!  Read previous issues here and here, and look to Cara to post the third one tomorrow.  Please send me the simple gift of your submission through this link.  To quote the dudely one: "Yarnival, People!  Yarnival!"

And thank you, again.

Radio Silence

You may not be hearing from me for a couple of days.  A dear friend has suffered a terrible tragedy, the kind that calls for many hours spent sleeping on hospital floors, the freezing of casseroles, and the wringing of hands.  I wish I could say I have been able to knit through this- not only for selfish reasons, but because I really do believe that the sight of a person knitting in the ICU would communicate something peaceful, something mending.  But that is not the role that falls to me right now. 

I miss you all- your words, your photos.  I'll be back soon.  Meanwhile, I'm pleased to report that I'll be editing the next edition of Yarnival!  (I believe the exclamation point is integral.)  Submit your funniest, your proudest, your most thoughtful, your whackiest, your most tangled and your smoothest knitting blog posts by way of this form.  I, for one, can't wait.

Subtext?

What is a knitter to do when her husband sends her snippets like this one?

Excerpt from called Is it OK to be a Luddite? by Thomas Pynchon:

But it's important to remember that the target even of the original assault of l779, like many machines of the Industrial Revolution, was not a new piece of technology. The stocking-frame had been around since 1589, when, according to the folklore, it was invented by the Rev. William Lee, out of pure meanness. Seems that Lee was in love with a young woman who was more interested in her knitting than in him. He'd show up at her place. "Sorry, Rev, got some knitting." "What, again?" After a while, unable to deal with this kind of rejection, Lee, not, like Ned Lud, in any fit of insane rage, but let's imagine logically and coolly, vowed to invent a machine that would make the hand-knitting of hosiery obsolete, and so he did. According to the encyclopedia, the jilted cleric's frame "was so perfect in its conception that it continued to be the only mechanical means of knitting for hundreds of years.

Innocuous history lesson, or eerie threat from knit-weary husband?  Too soon to tell...

Arrival

Ben.  August 20, 2006.

Worth every stitch.

Guess Who's Coming to Fricknits?

With the end of Lily in sight- or at least glimpsed across a mile of edging that needs to be "slip-stitched neatly into place," it's time to contemplate my next sweater project. 

Now, I don't know about you, but I seem to just stumble from project to project.  I make endless lists of "dream projects" and "stash projects" and "gift projects" (need I mention I know of EIGHT babies on the way?), but something always seems to fall in my lap at the last minute, like when, the other day, I spied this perfect Rusted Root and decided that my birthday money from Oupa would be best spent on some Cotton Fleece, and quick. 

...but the yarn hasn't arrived yet, and I'm itching to start planning something new.  Therefore, I've decided to go about choosing the next project based on the question, "With whom would I rather spend the next couple of weeks?"  Contestants appear below.  All celebrity voices have been impersonated with utmost respect and love.

Contestant #1: "Pluck emergency shearpin out of outboard motor, first making sure said motor is not in use.  One need not strand oneself, Crusoe-like, for the sake of one's sweater, or one might sup the porridge of regret with the spoon of sorrow."  (See possible project here- a gift for Mr. Frick in some stashed Cascade 220.  Oooh, and there's a KAL...)

Contestant #2: "Weave in ends, put on rollerskates, apply Chanel No. 5, and be mahhvelous, because you and the postman and all the wacky neighbors and past boyfriends and gym-goers that populate your world know you are."  (This pattern in Silky Wool from the stash, for me.)

Contestant #3:  "Start at the seashore, marveling at the intricacies of the cosmos, and how they can all be expressed in the design of the tiniest cockle and mussel.  Now pick up a gazillion stitches around a gazillion edges and spend more time assembling than you did knitting.  Alive, alive-o."  (The Sand Dollar Pullover from Knitting Nature, even though there seems to be some major glitch in said cosmos that does not allow me to join the KAL, despite repeated attempts.)

Contestant #4: Decrease one stitch at edge of fol 4 rows, and fol 2 fol alt rows, and at the same time, balance teakettle neatly atop crown of head whilst singing "God Save the Queen" and serving scones and clotted cream (homemade) to visiting dignitaries.  Accent optional, but preferred.  (This kit, bought in the same wild, credit-card-balance inflating moment as the one I've just finished.  This one likely won't win.  Not seasonal, and for now I can't even look at it without hearing this shrill, trilling voice announce, "The Princess BUTTERCUP!")

Contestant #5:  "At this point you may be thinking, this sweater wants to be a hat.  And so I would encourage you to put down your knitting immediately in exchange for a friendly little glass of wine.  Or two.  There.  All better.  Now go start knitting something new, before the voices begin again.  See Chapter 4, entitled How to Insulate Your House with Failed Projects and Save 50% or More on Your Car Insurance for tips on what to do with the sweaterhat."  (OK, so the Harlot isn't strictly a designer, but she's superfun to impersonate.)

I've got my tea set out, and the little sandwiches.  I wonder who's coming to Fricknits?  Stay tuned...

Newsworthy

Would you agree with me that, as a society, we're having a bit of trouble figuring out what's newsworthy?  Not that I'm a font of up-to-the-minute knowledge these days, as between the start of the school year, my lack of Internet at home, and the Biscuit's sudden insistance on listening to "Diff'nt music pleeeeese" during our daily commute, I have been cut off from my lifeline.  That is, unless the lyrics to "Pay Me My Money Down" are breaking news.  Didn't think so.

Every time I log on to Yahoo, I come face-to-face with a veritable cornucopia of faux news.  Can they really call it "Dancing with the Stars" if what they mean is "Dancing with People You Have to Look Up On the Internet Because They Only Look Vaguely Familiar"?  Where should I go on the Web if I want "all watermelon, all the time"?  Is Justin Timberlake really going to bring sexy back, or should we all hold on to our sensible shoes for a while? 

And I won't even mention the gaudy theatrics masquerading as news going on over in the Home of Geraldo.  I mean, look at their website!  Does the all-get-out, TGI Friday's Pieces of Flair look they have subscribed to lead you to believe that this is the home of "fair and balanced," serious newscasting?  If so, please step out of the line.

See, what I love about NPR is that they give it to you straight, and that means they give it to you messy.  They don't serve up a convenient Top 5 list.  They don't employ Captain Caveman to tell you what to think (or to scream at you to shut up until you submit to the blunt force of his will).  NPR is the between-the-lines, down-deep news, with strings and dangly bits hanging off where we're just not sure where this is all going.  Do you see where I'm going?

Lately, I've been a bit hesitant to blog.  After all, art imitates life here at Fricknits, and my life right now is a frayed, tangled mess, with hard, pricky bits twined in it, and a lot that remains to be done.  But a quick trip over to a newfound friend's blog reminded me of what I believe, deep down, to be newsworthy- the mess, the process, the dangly bits of a work in progress.  This is where we see the truth of a thing- not in the strikingly posed, seamed to perfection, pret a porter FO.  And so I present Lily, in all her stringy, unseamed, in-progress glory.  In Summer Tweed, colorway "ghost"- which at first looked to me like the color and texture of recycled newsprint.  (It's growing on me.)

Sorry to all of you to whom I owe emails.  I'll be stopping by your blogs in the next couple of days to leave comments, because that's what we all really want, right?  Well, that, and to get the scoop on those zany Olsen twins!

The Fog Ate My Blogwork

Remember this post?  Well...

In today's news (and I do believe this headline could battle it out with the riveting Yahoo News Top Stories- Paris Hilton Drives Drunk! Suri Cruise is Alive!) I'm allergic to my job.  I've spent the last three days sneezing and squinching my nose up into various unattractive scrunchy shapes in order to keep from sneezing.  Is it the chalk?  Is it the mold?  It is sudden daily contact with 51 awkward adolescents whose impeccable personal grooming habits belie the fact that they are, in fact, one big germ gymboree?  How quickly do you think I'd be yanked into the headmaster's office for a little come-to-Jesus if I showed up one day wearing a dust mask and Tyvek suit?

My sinuses just won't allow me to be clever today, so here are a few first week of school stats for you.  As Mom always taught me, when all else fails, make a list:

# of pairs of sexy/sassy new shoes bought for back-to-school: 1

# of people I asked to vet said shoes to ensure they weren't too sexy/sassy: 4

# of back-to-school meetings attended: 7

# of back-to-school meetings knitted in: 2

# of back-to-school meetings snored in: 1

# of back-to-school meetings felt were worthwhile: 1 (catnap)

# of students dressed in nauseatingly similar Lily Pulitzer outfits today:  9

# of African-American, non-blonde models in the average LP ad: 1/2

# of handknits worn to school so far: 2 (Green Gable and Fiery Bolero)

# of kids signed up for after-school knitting so far:  12

# of boys signed up for after-school knitting so far: 2

# of WIPs not appearing in the sidebar: 5

# of times I have told myself that this list is not good enough to post: 23

Sorry, friends.  I'll emerge soon.  In the meantime, go check out Yarnival!  I'm super honored to be included. Off to the nurse for Benadryl.

Mission Accomplished

Like that banner waving patriotically in the sea breeze there?  It was custom made by my good friends at No-Bid, Inc., purveyors of $65 cases of Coke, monogrammed hand towels, and (semi) armored vehicles!  My good friend (the) Dick will be more than happy to hook you right up with one.  Give him a holler at 1-800-SHADOWGOV. 

Well!  How fetching am I in this jumpsuit, eh?  Pardon while I adjust my codpiece- occupational hazard...  There, that's all better.  Now, let me tell you about how proud I am of the latest accomplishment of the brave men and women of Fricknits against the anti-knitter sentiment that seeks to destroy everything we stand for.  They hate our freedom. They do!  So we must seek them out with the help of a brave coalition of the knitting. 

And friends, I am pleased to announce that the coalition boasts two new members today.  Here I have copies of messages sent from two new Friends of Fricknits in response to recent blog posts, gifts of Peace Fleece, and lendings of manifestos by Stephanie Pearl-McPhee.  I believe the evidence speaks for itself. 

An email from A, former part-time knitter, now fully obsessed: I think I'm on the brink of a knitting addiction and have you to blame.  I've spent the last 48 hours thinking of (just about) nothing else -looking through books, blogs, websites etc. And the crap part is that I finally decided to bite the bullet and buy the via mala #16 for the union square poncho and it looks like it's been discontinued.  I'm frantic (I realize irrational too). 

Ah, poor girl.  It's a tough initiation, but freedom never came cheaply, did it?  And you can all testify to the fact that it is in no way irrational to become attached to discontinued yarn, right?  Maybe I can have (the) Dick dig some up for her- he knows people.

Then, an email from S, the aforementioned fisherman. A very valuable recruit not only because of his gender (the coalition needs more males, dammit), but also because he provides valuable crossover obsession information:  i did some knitting website/blog research & would like to find more cool ones. let me know, because i'll have to lurk around on it, never revealing my identity, like some weird, reclusive, stalking fisherman, back from sea, full of drunken lust for unknown e-knitters.

Any takers, friends?

Eye candy provided courtesy of the lovely Hanny.  It is Artfibers Kyoto.  A birthday gift.  A sight to behold.