Alert readers pointed out that had I arranged the beer shot differently, I could have spelled out "etc." (Apparently no one found it interesting or telling that I'd chosen instead the abbreviation for electroconvulsive therapy.) Funny thing, that, because as we near Zero Hour, the holiday knits do seem to have developed a "voice" of their own.
Oh, you'll be warshed all right. You've been wrapped, ribboned, rolled around bottles of Moutain Made soap, and sent. Enough out of you.
Come on. There's plenty a plucky robot like yourself can accomplish with one arm. What's that? This is typical of me? Always getting to that final step of a project and then leaving it for weeks? Talk like that doesn't earn you parts, C-Creep-io. Back to the basket with you.
Yes, yes, Baby Surprise. I do in fact have enough yarn to finish you. It's just that...you freak me out a bit. I can't for the life of me imagine that you will actually turn into a sweet little sweater. Hmm? That's why they call it a surprise? Enough of your cheek. Banished beneath the sofa! Surprise!
Why indeed. It couldn't have been the photo in Handknit Holidays. That just screamed mess. Or sparkly innards. No, that's not what convinced me I had to knit miles of i-cord with which to festoon the home on this, our first time hosting the whole family for dinner. What's that? You wonder if I'd like to know what the "i" is for? Maybe you'd like to guess what this finger is for, i-ntestine.
So snide, you. What. You really think I can't teach myself two-handed colorwork, make several swatches to find gauge, (perhaps with a run to the shoppe to pick up the correct size needle), and knit this baby up in time for the holidays?
No, listen. I'm motivated. This hat is for Tim. He went out on a limb and said to go for it with the wild orange and red combo. I've joined a knitalong and been listed in the roll call. I've pulled the correct Interweave issue with all the handy tips on colorwork. I've chosen yarn for the lining. This baby's gonna fly off the needles.
Okay, when you're right, you're right. With family coming, and the Biscuit to tend to, the post office, the butcher, the choosing of a pork loin recipe, the decision about whether or not to jump into the lights-in-the-bushes fray...You got me. This will be a New Year's hat. A lovely, warm reminder of all that is to come. The friendship. The laughter. The return of the light. Yes. That's better, even. A New Hat for the New Year.
Oh, eff you.
* Alert readers might point out that the time-intensive job of arranging and photographing the knitting with pieces from Biscuit's puzzles might in fact get in the way of proving said back-talky yarn wrong and finishing up the projects. Smart readers will instead commiserate and confirm that yes, my knits have turned on me, and I have every reason to bitch.